When there’s nothing, it’s hard to pretend to have fun. Making cocoa or cider for one.
XOXO, Eleanor
It hurts —
It hurts to hear Christmas songs sometimes
It hurts to see the Christmas cards not coming to you
Some things require another individual or two
The music, the families, the presents
The traditions that can’t be upheld
I know, I’m messed up, lost, and it kills me
***
All I have are the memories
Beautiful but — but they are done
When there’s nothing, it’s hard to pretend to have fun
Making cocoa or cider for one
Pretending is fine, until they catch on
Then, all the questions come, enough to come undone
Alone —
***
I hold an electric soul
Some Advice: Do not approach too fast
Or you won’t last
Proceed with caution
And don’t get any notions
***
What a traitor I am. I have 2 Christmas trees and decorations galore
Like a foolish girl I try to fill an unfillable void
Don’t want what it was like before
I want my own — my own, all I have is a faux Christmas
I detest this
The fact that it is what it is and probably will never be
Again. Back to square 1.
It hurts —
It hurts, it hurts…
You Lil Dickens 
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