Faux Christmas Pt. 2

When there’s nothing, it’s hard to pretend to have fun. Making cocoa or cider for one.

XOXO, Eleanor

It hurts —

It hurts to hear Christmas songs sometimes

It hurts to see the Christmas cards not coming to you

Some things require another individual or two

The music, the families, the presents

The traditions that can’t be uphold

I know, I’m messed up, lost, and it kills me

***

All I have are the memories

Beautiful but — but they are done

When there’s nothing, it’s hard to pretend to have fun

Making cocoa or cider for one

Pretending is fine, until they catch on

Then, all the questions come, enough to come undone

Alone —

***

I hold an electric soul

Some Advice: Do not approach too fast

Or you won’t last

Proceed with caution

And don’t get any notions

***

What a traitor I am. I have 2 Christmas trees and decorations galore

Like a foolish girl I try to fill an unfillable void

Don’t want what it was like before

I want my own — my own, all I have is a faux Christmas

I detest this

The fact that it is what it is and probably will never be

Again. Back to square 1.

It hurts —

It hurts, it hurts…