When My Time Comes

You can’t know

Won’t know

Won’t see

Because I fiercely protect this heart of mine

Can’t judge me when you don’t have all the puzzle pieces, see

***

This world has been my HELL but I am

Grateful for any measure of peace bestowed upon me

I hear Grandma whisper: Aren’t you tired, sweetie?

Papa echoes: Stop and smell the roses! You’re missing it. Stop, look around, honey!

Stop trying so hard, bending over backwards, worrying constantly

Allow yourself to be in awe of the immensity

You don’t have a choice anymore. Let go, Sweet Pea. Let it be. Let it be.

***

Wait! Let me go to The Fox Theatre to watch one more show —

Before the robes of My Confessor flow

I could say it out loud, SHOUT IT — Then, they’d all know

Maybe afterwards I’ll have the strength to let go

OH, OH, OH! Then, will I have earned my Sweet Release?! Will I?!

Until I do

Until I get the courage to — Well…

***

You can’t know

Won’t know

Won’t see

Because I fiercely protect this heart of mine

Can’t judge me when you don’t have all the puzzle pieces, see

***

Listen — Promises aren’t just words to me

My words aren’t empty

Burdens released with beautiful clarity

So, when it’s my turn, when my time comes, use my story as a sign

It’s what I want, make an offer to straighten out a knot in a lifeline

Laying in peace — FINALLY

No more pain, no more anxiety, no more running on empty

Just sweet peace and me

***

All my Fires have been put out

Drunk on the River of Rest — YES

Wanna jump in, full immersion — PLEASE

I’m gonna head towards Heaven — NOW

FINALLY — my request has been granted

BLINK. OPEN. LOOK.

Twirling in my pink dress and pearls— Happiness has me SHOOK

Arms wide and spinning on the gold patines of My Eternity

NOW.

I.

AM.

FREE.

NOW — I can let go and let it be!!!

24 comments

      1. I hope and pray that you can find some peace. It’s painful to try and imagine the pain and troubles you have to deal with daily.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Eleanor, your poetry reflects such melancholy. Is life really so sad? We can’t just Let it be! It’s the survival of the fittest, and we can’t be made of glass. One blow and all is over…
    Take care, be happy…

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Your poetry brings up so much emotion, Eleanor. Haunting, beautiful, painful — it needs several rereadings. I am sorry for your current burdens, love. I imagine your lovely spirit soaring above these troubles. Then I wonder if you have a support system. How are you taking care of yourself? ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. My writing serves as a healthy outlet for my stress and anxiety. It helps keep me grounded and some days keeps me from going insane. I know I don’t have to tell you that we all have hard times…it just feels like the universe won’t let up, you know? Like can a girl get a KIT-KAT? Because I need a break. While I don’t have a lot of support I do the best I can. I look at people like you, I read your work, and I see what my life could be. The possibility of it. Then again, to be honest, even the word “possibility” gets on my last nerve. Ironic. Dickinson is my favorite poet and she said she dwelled in possibility. I always envied what that must feel like. She also said: If your Nerve deny you — go above your Nerve. As far as I can tell, she didn’t write anything about hitting the ceiling.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. We will be here for you Lorene, we are your family here and we love you❤️
        The sun will shine surely one day and you won’t have to feel the way you do now.
        Time will come🙏🏿😊

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I am touched by your overwhelming kindness, speechless…truly.

        You called me by my given first name: Lorene. Haven’t heard or seen that in ages. Very special to me. My great grandmother’s name.

        Jermena, thank you, a million times, thank you.

        Liked by 1 person

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