Dear Friends, open the box and see what I hide behind this smile of mine.
—XOXO, Eleanor
I’m blue again
Though, you’d never know it
Hiding behind this smile
Nobody has a clue
Can’t even tell you exactly what I’m feeling right now
I’m sinking, I’m drowning
What more can I say? Honestly, I don’t know!
But here I go — Gonna testify.
I, Eleanor Lorene Lowe, do so solemnly swear…
I’m standing on the precipice of change
Leaping without a parachute, unsure of where I’ll land
Wherever it is, at least I’ll get away from this toxic sinking sand
Anxiety is building — POWERFUL — an unwanted constant
Fear in all its’ malicious magnificence — an unmovable mountain
Both are filling up my chest with vicious villainy
Blinded by my pain, immune to my resiliency
Like Pandora’s Box, Hope is all that remains
My hope mirrors my faith
SHAKEN.
Two Frail Things, far from fine
But Honey, they aren’t blind
I can’t stop worrying
How? When? Where? Why? What DO I DO?
I can’t keep doing this anymore!
Overwhelmed in ways you’ll never know
I’ve been here before
Oh, this place I’m in
At my Wit’s End
Weaving between The Anxiety Fear: Come and Go Flow
The uncertainty — the unknown. RIFE.
Holding on for dear life!
Ripped stitches — open and exposed
Used to fighting my demons — alone
Putting band aids over my bullet holes
Broken and weak
I seek but never quite find…
Still lost and searching for my once bright cheerful heart
The one that used to beat inside of me
Walking through my fire
Flames raging on — higher and higher
My well has run dry
Now, I don’t have a choice, do I?
But to accept whatever comes
I can’t write my lines, I’m losing my mind!
Look, it’s complicated. I’ll try to explain but all that matters is…
I’m running out of time.
This is beyond just having a bad day. Okay?
I admit, I have no defense, and logic cannot define
Why I can’t find my rhythm or rhyme
Everything seems impossible! Can you relate?
To the Universe slamming the door in your face?
Really need a miracle about now
I’ve hit the wall
Wobble. Walk. Run. I Fall
FLAT.
You want me to do what? Let go?
Oh, Hell NO! NO! NO!
I’m a stubborn woman. Yes, I know.
Killing my soul. SLOW.
Thought I was done with UNCERTAINTY running ME
Can’t pull them apart
STRUGGLE is written upon my heart
The reality is among all the Uncertainty in our world the ONLY Certainty is Death
WHAT?! Sound too jaded?
Well, pray tell — How do I transcend? How do I defy?
I wish with all my HEART that my TRUTH was a LIE!!!
If I had the power to change all possible realities — I’d stop the madness
KILL what stole my JOY and left me with this infinite sadness
If I could, I’d take over by force
Be my own White Horse
Added especially for someone curious about my personal style.
You know who you are 😉
YES, I wear all of this at some point in my every day life.
You Lil Dickens 
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