My Musings

My Pandora’s Box

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Dear Friends, open the box and see what I hide behind this smile of mine.

—XOXO, Eleanor

I’m blue again

Though, you’d never know it

Hiding behind this smile

Nobody has a clue

Can’t even tell you exactly what I’m feeling right now

I’m sinking, I’m drowning

What more can I say? Honestly, I don’t know!

But here I go — Gonna testify.

I, Eleanor Lorene Lowe, do so solemnly swear…

I’m standing on the precipice of change

Leaping without a parachute, unsure of where I’ll land

Wherever it is, at least I’ll get away from this toxic sinking sand

Anxiety is building — POWERFUL — an unwanted constant

Fear in all its’ malicious magnificence — an unmovable mountain

Both are filling up my chest with vicious villainy

Blinded by my pain, immune to my resiliency

Like Pandora’s Box, Hope is all that remains

My hope mirrors my faith

SHAKEN.

Two Frail Things, far from fine

But Honey, they aren’t blind

I can’t stop worrying

How? When? Where? Why? What DO I DO?

I can’t keep doing this anymore!

Overwhelmed in ways you’ll never know

I’ve been here before

Oh, this place I’m in

At my Wit’s End

Weaving between The Anxiety Fear: Come and Go Flow

The uncertainty — the unknown. RIFE.

Holding on for dear life!

Ripped stitches — open and exposed

Used to fighting my demons — alone

Putting band aids over my bullet holes

Broken and weak

I seek but never quite find…

Still lost and searching for my once bright cheerful heart

The one that used to beat inside of me

Walking through my fire

Flames raging on — higher and higher

My well has run dry

Now, I don’t have a choice, do I?

But to accept whatever comes

I can’t write my lines, I’m losing my mind!

Look, it’s complicated. I’ll try to explain but all that matters is…

I’m running out of time.

This is beyond just having a bad day. Okay?

I admit, I have no defense, and logic cannot define

Why I can’t find my rhythm or rhyme

Everything seems impossible! Can you relate?

To the Universe slamming the door in your face?

Really need a miracle about now

I’ve hit the wall

Wobble. Walk. Run. I Fall

FLAT.

You want me to do what? Let go?

Oh, Hell NO! NO! NO!

I’m a stubborn woman. Yes, I know.

Killing my soul. SLOW.

Thought I was done with UNCERTAINTY running ME

Can’t pull them apart

STRUGGLE is written upon my heart

The reality is among all the Uncertainty in our world the ONLY Certainty is Death

WHAT?! Sound too jaded?

Well, pray tell — How do I transcend? How do I defy?

I wish with all my HEART that my TRUTH was a LIE!!!

If I had the power to change all possible realities — I’d stop the madness

KILL what stole my JOY and left me with this infinite sadness

If I could, I’d take over by force

Be my own White Horse

My PINK Marilyn Monroe Bathing Suit, the very Mrs. Kennedy Birdcage Hat, and my favorite pearl necklace!
Added especially for someone curious about my personal style.
You know who you are 😉
YES, I wear all of this at some point in my every day life.

60 comments

  3. It’s a bit painful to read about your struggles…but what a *treat* to see this fabulous picture of you! 🥰. You have the BEST hair I have ever seen… and your up-do’s are always so stylish! 💜 this “birdcage” hat suits you as well. What a nice surprise 🌷😏.
    I have to say – I also really dig the white spotted horse picture 😆😅. I mean it doesn’t compare with stylish and poetic *you* of course, but it’s really quite amusing.

    Liked by 5 people

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  4. I feel for you. Unlike the beautiful beaten rose I posted tonight that shows its ragged edges, your smile certainly hides a Pandora’s Box filled with a dark and brutal past. I think you will overcome and eventually triumph.

    Liked by 5 people

    Reply

    1. It speaks volumes that you can SEE that….
      I know people say this all the time, I hate that there is a possibility that it has started to lose its’ meaning: Thank you! I’m always so happy to see your notifications pop up…I appreciate your encouragement and kind words.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. That makes me happy. I was thinking about your selfie and I got this image of you as a Conquistadora on a magnificent white stallion, wearing Monroe’s swimsuit like pink armor on your chest, having conquered the demons, and vanquished your dismal past, you ride into a new life, bright, triumphant with honor, respect, happiness and success.

        Liked by 3 people

  5. 💜 WE ARE ALL Alone especially Lonely in The Wrong Romantic Relationship or Fake, False, Fraudulent Friendship; yet Many of Us ARE NOT!!! Lonely in Our CHOSEN!!! Solitude EveryOne, I Don’t Like Being Around People Very Much because The Energy is InCompatible

    …💛💚💙…

    Liked by 6 people

    Reply

    1. WOW! 🤩 TRUER WORDS! LOVE IT!! TRUTH!! Yernasia Quorelios, thank you so much for stopping and reading my blog! What’s more, I truly appreciate the time you took to make such a kind thoughtful comment.Looking forward to reading more of your blog!

      Liked by 2 people

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      3. 💜 Totally Agree SupaSoulSis; yet it’s Those We DisAgree with (5%) that NEED!!! Most of Our Attention, The Rest (95%) ARE Easy to Deal With, in The Absence of CoDependency and OverCareTakering that Lead To Regret, Remorse and Severe Resentment; it’s Crystal Clear Clarity that The Key is Being Ultra CoOperative

        …💛💚💙…

        Liked by 1 person

      1. I also just realized this whole thing has the feel of a passionate sermon, but minus the actual spiritual preaching. If you had decided to write sermons you’d have kicked ass at it.

        Liked by 2 people

      4. I can tell that you are. It is so apparent. At least to me. Though, I think people like us. (By that I mean, have a military background are generally more detail oriented and highly observant. One of the actual advantages….;)

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Simply Red — “Red Box”
    songwriter: © Mick Hucknall

    Why don’t you look at the price I’m paying?
    Walk in, take a look inside
    I’ve moved back the tables and chairs to the wall
    The valuable things I’ve had to hide
    Open up the red box
    Come on, open it up
    Open up the red box
    Come on, open it up
    Peer in, looking for that crasher again
    You ruined Terry’s party last night
    An overweight greasy little man with a mouth
    That opens more than now and again
    Open up the red box
    Come on, open it up
    Open up the red box
    Come on, open it up
    Something good must have happened to you
    If you would let it happen to you
    If you could let it happen to you
    Something good would have happened
    Lopez, I hate you for the state you’re in
    Lopez, your hair, it washes out, it washes in
    You mopey little fat boy, Lopez
    Come on get lost
    Open up the red box
    Come on, open it up
    Open up the red box
    Come on, open it up
    Something good must have happened to you
    If you would let it happen to you
    If you could let it happen to you
    Something good would have happened
    Something good must have happened to you
    If you would let it happen to you
    If you could let it happen to you
    Something good would have happened
    I’m out of my head
    I’m out of my head
    I’m out of my head
    I’m out of my head
    I’m out of my head

    Liked by 3 people

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      1. Aww, that is so kind of you, Eleanor. You’re most welcome. Mutually learning and mirroring are occurring, and how beautiful it is. Have a lovely weekend, my friend.❤❤

        Liked by 1 person

  10. Your words speak much Eleanor, they do resonate deeply and I hope by penning this down here it has provided some catharsis. We believe in you. ♥️🌹🙏🏻

    Liked by 5 people

    Reply

      2. This comment makes me smile so BIG 😃
        My “intensity” is usually something that needs to be kept in check and scares people off but I try to balance it out. It’s nice for someone to value it and see it as a positive instead of a negative.

        Like

      3. No, I really I mean it. And I love intense situations and the intensity in the perspective. What’s the passion without it and if our concern is not intense No need to show it. It does matter and has its own value. Keep going and like minded people will keep joining.

        Liked by 1 person

  19. “The reality is — among all the Uncertainty in our world the ONLY Certainty is Death”- That’s reality in 3 lines. Very beautifully said, dear friend! Wonderful piece! Loved every bit of it. “Be my own white horse”- Well, THAT’s the spirit! 😉🥰 Great piece of work!
    It’s very sad that your beautiful smile hides so much. I hope it becomes genuine and fresh. Whatever mental turbulence you face shall pass. 🙂 Wishing you the best! 👍🙏🤍💖

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. AAAWWW, you are a sweetheart, SamSahana! I appreciate you more than you know! Thank you for being so thoughtful and kind. It’s comments like this that provide much-needed encouragement and support! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ Very happy you liked it! 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

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