You Lil Dickens

The Depths of My Oblivion {3}

***Readers Beware***
These are true stories that may shock you — anger and haunt you. Posts under this category may contain disturbing content that could trigger individuals.

You can find the complete anthology: Injustice: My Bell Jar Diaries, stories and supporting pieces on the page at the link below.

https://youlildickens.com/injustice-my-bell-jar-diaries/

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Feverish fragments of flashbacks

You’ll never see those

Or the tears that I cry

You’ll never come close to knowing the pain of my soul

Or the undulating emotions that continue to grow

Why do you insist on asking questions you can’t handle the answers to?

I am under no obligation to explain this to you

The things I do remember, thank God, they are few

You’ll never hear my screams in the dead of the night

Or feel the ardent struggle of this internal fight

My rage burns within me like a wildfire

Just take out my broken heart and place it on the pyre

I don’t need it anymore

You took away my glow and left me in a bloody pool of sorrow

You left me with scars, deeper than even I know

The Statement you gave — what a boldface lie

What will you do next? Deny, Deny, Deny

Get out of my head and stay the hell out of my dreams

If I see your face one more time — all you’ll hear are shrill screams

Don’t walk into the same room as me — don’t you dare

This is a burden that’s already too heavy to bear

I just want to once again feel like me

Stop this cruel suffering, let me be free

Leave — be gone

Let me forget and be done

You’ll never understand the Depths of My Oblivion

Don’t Let This Happen to You or ANYONE You Love!!!
Eleanor Lorene Lowe
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36 responses to “The Depths of My Oblivion {3}”

  1. Timothy Price Avatar
    Timothy Price

    I feel your silent screams and cries, and they pain me to the core.

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply
    1. Eleanor Lorene Lowe Avatar
      Eleanor Lorene Lowe

      Thank you for reading and commenting, Timothy! I truly appreciate the support and encouragement!

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
      1. Timothy Price Avatar
        Timothy Price

        You are very welcome, Eleanor. I wish you a wonderful evening, and a frolicking, frivolous fun Friday.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. GraceoftheSun Avatar
    GraceoftheSun

    Heartfelt and brave. Thanks for sharing.❤️

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply
    1. Eleanor Lorene Lowe Avatar
      Eleanor Lorene Lowe

      Thank you, Grace! Appreciate you!

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
      1. GraceoftheSun Avatar
        GraceoftheSun

        💕🙏💕

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Woodsy Avatar
    Woodsy

    You found so much beauty in spite of all the pain. Whatever they tried to take, that will always… always be who you are.

    Sometimes, even the notes we scribble in the margins of other people’s books can be masterpieces.

    Liked by 7 people

    Reply
    1. Eleanor Lorene Lowe Avatar
      Eleanor Lorene Lowe

      Thank you, John! 🥰

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  4. ZeroSpace Avatar
    ZeroSpace

    As ever, hard to comment because this level of realness makes anything I say seem… not enough or inadequate. I think the other commenters said it for me. I am reading and support you in your courage.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    1. Eleanor Lorene Lowe Avatar
      Eleanor Lorene Lowe

      Thank you for your support and encouragement!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  5. Jeff Flesch Avatar
    Jeff Flesch

    Phew, powerful, dear Eleanore. Thank you for sharing this poem with us. ❤ Sending love and hugs. ❤🤗

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Eleanor Lorene Lowe Avatar
      Eleanor Lorene Lowe

      I appreciate you, my friend! It is my hope that it will reach those who need it the most. Even if it’s only one. It’s worth it!

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
      1. Jeff Flesch Avatar
        Jeff Flesch

        Thank you, my friend. I appreciate you too! Indeed, it is worth it. ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Aaysid Avatar
    Aaysid

    It’s so brave of you to pen such raw emotions this vividly! Such powerful words!

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    1. Eleanor Lorene Lowe Avatar
      Eleanor Lorene Lowe

      Thank you, Aaysid! That means a lot, I appreciate you!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  7. the hot goddess Avatar
    the hot goddess

    Thank you for your courage and raw honesty. We never know who is silently suffering…and it’s often the person we’d least expect. Hugs to you.❤

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    1. Eleanor Lorene Lowe Avatar
      Eleanor Lorene Lowe

      Oh, you’re so sweet, thank you! That’s so true “you never know who is silently suffering…and it’s often the person we’d least expect.” Outwardly, someone can look like they’re the happiest individual you’ve ever know, inwardly, they’re barely holding themselves together with tape and glue. 🥰

      Like

      Reply
  8. 𝑹𝒐𝑩𝑰𝑵 ☄️ Avatar
    𝑹𝒐𝑩𝑰𝑵 ☄️

    💙💙💙

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Eleanor Lorene Lowe Avatar
      Eleanor Lorene Lowe

      Thank you, RoBIN. 💜💕💜

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. 𝑹𝒐𝑩𝑰𝑵 ☄️ Avatar
        𝑹𝒐𝑩𝑰𝑵 ☄️

        🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Irene Avatar
    Irene

    I just happened to stumble upon this post and in a way it gave voice to some of my feelings, even if my experience isnt exactly the same. Thank you for penning these raw emotions. God bless you for your courage.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  10. BrittnyLee Avatar
    BrittnyLee

    I’m am sorry you went through this. I hope you are safe now. You’re very brave for posting this. I wish you all the best. You’re doing great things spreading information about abuse.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    1. Eleanor Lorene Lowe Avatar
      Eleanor Lorene Lowe

      Thank you, honey! I appreciate you so much! 😊

      Like

      Reply
      1. BrittnyLee Avatar
        BrittnyLee

        Any time 🙂 I appreciate you too. You’re a survivor. You got this 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  11. johncoyote Avatar
    johncoyote

    Women need safe place to hide from abuser. These programs need to be advertised and be in every community. Many years ago. My mother went to a safe house. They are needed.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    1. Eleanor Lorene Lowe Avatar
      Eleanor Lorene Lowe

      You are absolutely right, John! I am still shocked and pained at how many people are unaware of such resources. When a family member, especially a mother, is a victim of abuse it has a way of reverberating through your life…it never goes away. I appreciate you continuing to read my work and for your thoughtful comments! 🥰

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. johncoyote Avatar
        johncoyote

        You are welcome dear Eleanor. I believe the old days were easier for woman. The state gave my mother a apartment, food and safety freely and easy. We need the same today.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Eleanor Lorene Lowe Avatar
        Eleanor Lorene Lowe

        WOW, what a blessing! It makes no sense why we don’t have that now, EVERYWHERE.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. johncoyote Avatar
        johncoyote

        I agree. Now they pack children and women into shelters. What does that fix?

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Eleanor Lorene Lowe Avatar
        Eleanor Lorene Lowe

        Absolutely nothing. It only makes matters worse. Those shelters are frightfully depressing and contribute to further traumatic experiences. In the state of Oklahoma, the legislature, in all its’ infinite wisdom created a plan to eradicate the use of juvenile shelters altogether. However, their short-sided thinking failed to include an alternative and did not factor in the extreme shortage of foster homes. Thus, leaving thousands of Oklahoma children without a safe haven of any kind. It is heart wrenching. Women and children are forced to continue living in violent homes or live on the streets. Their only opportunity for food, shelter, and other resources are overcrowded non-profit shelters not properly equipped to handle the influx so they have no choice but to turn them away.

        Liked by 2 people

  12. ZeroSpace Avatar
    ZeroSpace

    I’m going to ask the thing that nobody seems willing to ask.. or maybe didn’t think about – Is that photo with the black eye you? Doesn’t quite look like the other 2 photos of you on this blog, but then I myself look quite different from one photo to another.

    Like

    Reply
  13. SirPeterJames.com Avatar
    SirPeterJames.com

    It is a great shock for me to read this cold reality, who was brought up to never to lay a violent hand on any Woman. If it is deep pain to me, how much more to the poor soul who suffered the pain? There is no quick-fix solution to such a situation. No salve will give that soul immediate relief. Yet time and the gentle nurturing of the soul, with the Balm of Gillead, torment will pass, because I have thanked God that it has. To the soul in the poem, I say, “I see everything in your life, I have placed your tears in a bottle, which is held to my heart; take courage, I will heal all the wounds and restore your soul to its former glory.”
    Peter.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    1. Eleanor Lorene Lowe Avatar
      Eleanor Lorene Lowe

      Mmmm, your kind words drip with truth and wisdom, my friend! I thank you for your compassion and encouragement. Full restorative healing, even forgiveness — these things I crave in their entirety. Have Courage and Faith, I must! I appreciate you, Peter!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  14. bubblebathselfempowerment Avatar
    bubblebathselfempowerment

    Deeply feeling for you. Been through mental/emotional abuse multiple times with multiple people (and still have trouble dealing with the after-affects, but healing) and cannot even imagine how horrible it would feel to also be physically abused. Hugs to you.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Eleanor Lorene Lowe Avatar
      Eleanor Lorene Lowe

      First of all, thank you for reading and leaving such a thoughtful comment. It’s nice to know that I have reached another who has suffered in similar ways. I feel like when we share our stories it makes us feel less alone in our feelings. But more than anything, I feel like it makes us stronger like we’re taking power away from the memory instead of the memory holding power over us. If that makes sense…I appreciate your encouragement and support. I know this anthology can be a hard read. Thank you

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. bubblebathselfempowerment Avatar
        bubblebathselfempowerment

        I completely agree that when we share our stories we feel less alone. That can be healing in itself. I remember a lot of my past I felt like the only one that has went through this type of thing, even though I knew others had went through it from books, etc, but there wasn’t anyone in my vicinity. And, I had a very hard time finding information on my particular situation so I was clueless on how to handle it. Nowadays, information is all over the place, but that is also a challenge because there’s so many differing points of view. I’ll be looking forward to reading more of your blog as I get time.

        Liked by 1 person

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