My Own Worst Albatross

I'm not the kind of girl you think
Watch me sail my ship and sink
Don't be so surprised at the wreck I am.

A beautiful facade—an inner disaster.
I bet on my life no one can destroy me faster.
Never ask for help, it's not who I am.

Damn, damn, damn!

Vast the ocean of life was once before my eyes
Deep the depths where my true heart lies
The wind, the current, the changing of tides
The hope, magic, freedom, and possibility on all sides.

Suddenly—Lightning bolts electrify the sea, sizzling mere inches from the stern.
Batten down the hatches! 
This tempest will rear her ugly head with a heart full of scorn.
My ship without a beacon, without a port in the storm—safe harbor denies.
A fog descends as thick and white as the furling sheets above.
The wind howls, an ominous breeze brings with it—doom and dread.
Waves crash violently on sharp rocks ahead.

My once sturdy true ship is now helplessly adrift.
The strength of my will is dragging anchor.
The thick fog clears and the storm subsides revealing my broken mast.
What a bleak epiphany among the salty mist 
The mutiny is me.

Is this a reprieve? The calm before another storm?
Is that a shining beacon from the shore at last? 
Or do my eyes deceive me?
 
Searching for land but all I find is truth
A resolute truth—I already know
I am my own foe
My own worst albatross
Shaped by the rigidity of Hope and of Loss.