Float Like a Butterfly Sting Like Me

Rumble, young lady, rumble!

I, with full admission of guilt, went through a “bitter phase” when I truly hated my parents for what they did, what they didn’t do, who they were, what they made me endure, what I missed, what I lost, what they took from me. I was filled with rage. I can call it a phase because it came to an end, made it through. But dont be deceived by my sweet exterior, I have ice in my veins when I need to.

Today, I listened to Muhammad Ali, the greatest boxer of all time, at his 1964 press conference, delivering his iconic speech and got all riled up by the one and only, Cassius Clay. An interesting idea stirred within me. At first, I thought: Oh, that would be rich. Then: No, don’t do that, thats downright vindictive. Shame on you, Eleanor Lorene Lowe!

***

Heres the thing, there is a distinction between justice and vengeance. Writing my book, speaking my truth, telling my story. For me, that is justice. Vengeance is an enticing notion, however, it only causes more pain and the result of vengeance is fleeting. Justice provides an enduring sense of satisfaction, accompanied by a comforting validity that promotes healing.

***

I decided, Id be a bee and write a speech of my own. Why not? What’s wrong with that after all the stings they gave me? Whenever this moment comes it will be a mile marker, a profound event. I never got my trial, but the verdict is in: GUILTY. Their sentence Ill write my book, publish it, and send them a signed copy.

***

Inside itll say

Float Like a Butterfly, Sting Like Me

You cant hit what your hands cant see

No more excuses!

Look the stage is set

My words are my weapon

So, when you read

Consider this me throwing a literary right hook

Then, fast as lightning, change it up

Here we go now, watch me dance

Bob and weave

Gonna do what I do best

Write what I write

My words are gold!

This woman is strong!

You think you’re gonna beat me?! Youre dead wrong!

When I whoop this memory

Poetic Justice will be served!

Despite what you’ve thrown at me

I dominated, I conquered

I still became The G.O.A.T. {The Greatest of All Time}. I no longer want nor need you to say, Im proud of you. I learned on my own thats not a selfish thing to be. Its called confidence, that thing you tried to beat out of me.

Theres nothing sweeter than justice and clarity

You said you didnt want my love, you wanted my respect. Well, you dont have either and I know full well, I deserve both!

Without the pain yall inflicted, I would never have become the woman I am today: independent, opinionated, resilient, and able to say, vulnerability is a strength! My achievements are my own, you lost the right to celebrate them with me!

NOW I am FINALLY FREE!!!

36 comments

  1. Wonderful, Eleanor. The poem was so empowering. Love it! These lines from your post really stood out for me.歹
    “Vengeance is an enticing notion, however, it only causes more pain and the result of vengeance is fleeting”
    “NOW I am FINALLY FREE!!!”

    Like

  2. No one is going to get your goat these days because of your epiphany that you are the G.O.A.T. You deserve your righteousness, not as in self righteousness, but in “justice” as you seek satisfaction for the manifold sin and injustices that you have endured at the hands of others.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I think the simple truth is you have every right to be selfish. You were robbed of whatever self you would have had if you had grown up in a loving and nurturing home. I think that self is desperately seeking her rightful place in your heart and soul as much as you are seeking to find that missing part of yourself. You should be as selfish as needed in your efforts to put together the intricate puzzle of your complex self so you can have a complete picture that you can proudly call yourself.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Absolutely. And be patient with yourself. You have a lot to put together, 15k pieces, many more I’m sure, to puzzle with, and that will take a lot of time. You probably know that given enough time, a brain with serious trauma heals, but it is ever so slow. I think it’s the same with emotional trauma. I assume your body healed from the physical abuse? Your mind is sharp, as you are a brilliant woman. But the emotional wounds are slow, ever so slow to heal, and the scars will probably stay with you for life.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Patient with myself. Ha! Thats like telling the Oklahoma wind not to blow. But I know patience is key. It does take time. The stress from the emotional abuse has taken a huge toll on my body. I just need to square my shoulders and keep moving. Except Im not moving Im a sitting duck, the dog chasing her tail, the bird that flew smack into the picture window and knocked herself out.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I walked into glass door in 2017, and about knocked myself out. That gives me a tiny inkling of how you feel. You do have to square your shoulders and keep moving forward to make ends meet. But then again, you should try to give yourself a breather, baby yourself, and allow yourself to have fun chasing your tail.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. BTW Did you hear my song “The Dance Floor”? I was thinking you could be the woman with “long black hair she tossed about”: https://wp.me/p1yQyy-67L. I wrote that song long before we discovered each other’s blogs. The woman is a great dancer, but well guarded of herself, also.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Happy you liked it. I have lots of owl photos. It’s a regular thing each spring with Mama Owl sitting on her eggs, then watching the owlets grow while Mama and Daddy owl watch over them and feed them. The drama of whether all three owlets will survive. And them we watch them fly away.

        Liked by 1 person

      7. You have to have the photo on a website and past the URL for it to show up in comments. Many owls adapt very well to urban environments. We are semi-rural out here, and have all kinds of wild animals around. Since we live along the Rio Grande, we see a lot of birds as they migrate up and down the Rio Grande valley. We have catfish in the Rio Grande, but people don’t noodle in these parts.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. – Diamond Hard –

    It takes Courage to Forgive, Let Go and Be “free” of An Abusive Past EveryOne; many of Us have Histories of Parental Abuse and My Dad Died Recently and I Don’t Care to The Extent of Celebrating His Death…it may sound Callous; yet He Physically Abused Us and My Mom Allowed and Even Encouraged It…there is Some Solace in Still Being Here, NO!!! I Lie, there’s a Great Deal of Solace; it’s OK NOT!!! To Mourn His Death…it’s only The Body that’s Gone; ergo, I Have Forgiven Flawed Human Beings who Did The Best from What Little They Knew about Raising Kids EveryBody

    – Diamond Hard –

    ……

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sounds like you can really related intimately to my situation. In a lot of ways. Im sorry to hear that. Some days are okay and others I wanna scream. Then there are the really bad days were I want to break everything in sight. You will get no judgement here, none from me, not ever.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank YOU!!! for YOUR!!! Kind, Supportive Words SupaSoulSis; it’s a Pleasure to Share and Serve, Stay Strong and Serene

        ……

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Your poetry was literally ringing in my ears. It just shows how strong a women you are. It was a phase, a furnace out of which you have emerged all stronger. NOTHING CAN BREAK YOU DOWN ANYMORE!!! I betcha you got ice in your veins, it can both cool and sting.
    Always be the bee, that’s who you are!

    Liked by 3 people

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