My Musings

Sweet Release

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There are many who speak of bravery

How I am courageous too

Oh, God! If they only knew

My fear, my doubt, my pain — the intensity of it all

How every thought can drive me insane

How hard I fight to see what they do

But — try as I might — I just never do

Maybe someday, somehow, someway

The lightbulb will ping

Make my heart sing

Sing a sweet song of freedom

Because freedom is a precious thing

When somebody takes it away from you

You have a choice to make

Let it fester or let it go

Fast or slow

Making said choice is never easy

I, with full admission of guilt, say I chose the former not the latter

Let it fester — let it grow – slow

AAAHHHH! The sweet release of what comes when you have the courage to let go!!!

Dedicated To 3 Special People Who Continue to Believe in Me!

https://woodsydotblog.wordpress.com

https://dios-raw.com

https://melissazerospacepumpkin.com

15 comments

  1. Freedom is hard to hold onto. The powers that be take more away at every opportunity. There’s bravery and there’s common sense. In this dangerous world I choose common sense.

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  3. Well done as usual, and thank you my dear for the site mention. It’s very hard not to let things fester, and I agree with what Timothy said up there about freedom; how external forces are around every corner trying to suck out our time and energy. As if it’s not bad enough that many of us grow up with abuse (and are left with freedom-suckers like anxiety and depression), we then go out into the world and are threatened by the forces of capitalism, consumerism, advertising trying to pull us into mind traps and take every dollar we earn. Also, other people with their games (toxic relationships and even toxic friendships). People know this instinctively and it’s why so many people do meditation and spiritual practices, I think, to try and defend themselves against internal and external threats to mental freedom. And it’s a hard battle. Getting back to you and your insecurities – we all have our weaknesses and strengths. And I know that it’s a continuum where sometimes we float more on the weakness side, other times more on the strength side. And hell, it can vary from day to day. Yesterday I was sleep deprived and I’ll equipped to deal with my anxiety at the doctor’s office as a result. Then I forced myself to catch up on sleep and I feel stronger today.
    It’s a lot for anybody to navigate all this shit, day to day, and my impression based on your poems and post is constant storm and turmoil, probably that you can tuck away for work (assuming that you are working right now? Not sure) and then it comes back on your own time.
    I’m not too sure that anyone chooses to let it fester. It may feel like a choice, but somehow since people are motivated toward pleasure seeking and finding good things to ensure survival, I think evil and negativity are more like a wolf at the door constantly and you think you’re opening the door but meanwhile he has the key and he just tricks you into thinking he’s there because he’s that charismatic. Making things even more complicated, some negative emotions can feel sort of good at times. Like, if you’ve been grappling with anxiety and a wave of anger or rage comes along, that anger may feel damn good in comparison to other negative emotions. It’s all a mess and I wonder if this is even making sense.
    You may not feel brave because you experience the worst of your emotions, but know this – bravery isn’t being unafraid. It’s not about how you feel, it’s about action taken in spite of that. Like for example, that memory you posted the other day. I told you how I did something similar and then deleted it the next day. Without even reading it a second time. It was too paralyzing and I couldn’t deal. Whereas, it sounds like you are not only keeping that post up, you are posting more in that vein. Like a series or a category. Essentially you are trying to process and move through something very difficult. That’s bravery. But at the same time if you find that you cannot continue doing that, don’t beat yourself up, because seriously, most people can’t go there without a very good therapist. Even if you couldn’t keep working through that, it would not subtract from your bravery of the first effort.
    Damn, lady this is the longest comment I have ever left on anybody’s blog. 🙃. Hell, since you inspired such a long-ass comment, I may just do a post this weekend about strength and consistency. Like an answer to what you said to me last night.
    I hope you enjoy your weekend and rest up.

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    1. Thank you, Melissa. I always appreciate your insight and encouragement. I’ve spent thousands of dollars and over a decade in counseling which helped me greatly, I learned a lot about myself, my feelings and got to the root of where many things come from and how it all affects me. Also had inpatient and outpatient help as well.

      As I’m sure you already know, trauma runs deep and wide and it bobs around, popping up at the worst of times. Whether it’s a trigger from the past or a completely new event baam there trauma is right in your face again.

      Since I was a teenager I wanted to write a book and later I knew the story within me was the story I wanted and needed to tell. That was my book. I suppose, this is a kind of test run. Though, I started the books years and years ago but no one has ever read my draft plus it’s not finished yet.
      Childhood trauma is a big chunk of my emotional baggage but there’s a handful of other events in my 20s that contributed or piled on.

      I learned a long time ago things such as these may be painful but just because it’s painful doesn’t mean it’s
      negative. That took a long time to really stick too.

      I do need to rest and recharge. I wrote this right after reading you and DiosRaw’s comments just waited a bit to post it.

      I hope you have a great weekend and kick some sleep deprivation ass! I plan on doing the same!

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      1. So this writing has been a long time in the making, I see. Yes, I am enjoying my weekend so far and I hope that you continue to rest and enjoy yours.

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      2. Oh yes, I mean this isn’t a copy and paste situation. It is written by memory. I really appreciate you taking an interest. It means a great deal to me. Glad to hear you’re enjoying your weekend. Thank you, I will! 😉

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      3. I just reread my own comment – I was really jacked up on caffiene plus emotion for you 😆😅🤣. But I really think the caffiene played a pretty large part there, jeez. I’ll try not to write you another book tomorrow.

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  4. Up there I meant the wolf tricks you into thinking you willingly let him in. And I’ll was supposed to be ILL as in sick (damn autocorrect). Geez – early morning coffee responses….

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